So long I've sat here with the computer cursor flashing at me wondering when I would put words to his eulogy. To be honest, I've started and stopped countless times already. Rewritten, deleted and rewrote once again... this sucks at another level.
You never know when it will be your last day. Some have the fortune to live decades, some go before they blossom, and some have been given a window for them to make things right before the undertaker claims their final grains of sand from the hourglass of life. Although heartbreaking, it's a gift of love and devastation to be there with them when they slip into foreverland.
Even harder when you are the one to make the call.
You never expect it to happen as so many days fall into routine. But there are times that a metaphoric car accident lies below the stableness of everyday life waiting to derail everything
.
Tuesday started off like any other day and within a few short hours of normalcy, the literal decision of life and death was held in our hands. Through random routine complications we had to take our young, almost 3 year old Weimaraner, Jarvis, to the vet for a follow up. What we thought was just an endless UTI, turned out to be far more than we could have expected; a bleeding kidney.
Without saying it, the vet alluded to how much borrowed time we had used up as she said if he didn't have a very costly surgery in a day or so he was in grave danger of not making it. Aside from it being costly, there was no guarantee he would make it afterwards, or ever be the same again.
Like a flash in a pan, we were suddenly faced with a heartbreaking decision with tormented horror. For all we knew, what was in front of us was a keenly aware, healthy furbaby with no physical symptoms of pain or distress... yet, he was a health ticking time bomb.
While there with our little buddy, savoring and grasping each moment as the final hours of his life sit before us, I was brought back in time many, many years ago out on my GP's patio under the Tucson sunset.
GP knew Chas and I were headed back to pick up our first pup, Shelby, a Rat Terrier puppy. Like an old man filled with an abundance of wisdom he said:
"When you make the decision to bring a little animal home, you must be prepared to put them down when the time comes. If you are not ready for that responsibility, you are not ready to own a pet."
It wasn't a long conversation, but long enough to seat the truest of responsibilities deep into my young mind forever... I just never thought it would be as hard as this... and this was hard. Harder than anything I/we had to do in all of our 40'ish years of life.
With the deepest of love and regret we had to say goodbye to our sweet baby Jarvis.
I've never cried so much over a pet.. gosh dang, especially a dog. Up until Jarvis, I was always a cat'dude. And for the first time in my life, I feel the tug for loving a dog far more than before. That was the impact Jarvis had on me. The ripple effect he had on our little family was beyond measure. In the absence of his spirit left a title wave of unsalvageable emotion.
Truly a life cut short.
For the first time in the entirety of mine and Chas's marriage, over 20 years, we are a home without a dog. The silence is so loud all you can do is hope to escape the home... but intensely sad once back.
It was only by chance that Jarvis turned into our only dog. Over the entirety of our marriage, I'd say Chas and I have had at least 2.75 dogs at home at any given year.
The decision to get Jarvis came weeks after having to put down, Miss Cajun. She was almost 15 years old and put up a hell of a long life. She would outlive my shop buddy, Bison for a number of years. Having put down Bison on Fathers day no less, there was always a want from the family to get me another dog. After Cajun's passing, for Fathers day, the family bought sweet baby Jarvis. Jarvis would be the youngest sibling amongst our other furbabies at home; Two sister yorkie-poos and two brother Bengal kitties.
For the family, Jarvis, he was our first solo pet. He was born to himself, not like a twin sibling to our current furbabies. This brought a specialty of focus and love unique all to his own.
As anyone longing for a loved one does, they carry on the grieving memories by fumbling through old pictures. There has never been an unloved furbaby in our home... However, Jarvis is the most photogenic animal we have ever owned. Between Chas and I, there are likely more than 500 pictures of just Jarvis.
In light of his short, but lovingly full life, I am compelled to share only a fraction of our collection with you. I've made countless comments about my angst with Father Time and his companion the Undertaker, in needing to be vigilant with one's life. Because we never know when our path walks across the thin layer of ice.
As I recall Jarvis's short time with us, I would have never guessed what the future had in store for following this picture taken in July of 2022
Before Jarvis would turn 6 months old, he would lose both of his canine sisters, literally back to back. At the randomness of life, both girls didn't make it to six years old. This left us with just and only Jarvis along with a huge furbaby-hole in our hearts.
For the next two years, he was the center of our household and captivated our hearts forever.
Rest in peace sweet baby Jarvis.
Like most children, the safest spot to be is in the arms of their mommy. Chas was no exception to this rule. Without a doubt, she was Jarvis's safe place.
Even without her, her spot was his spot.
In the entirety of our collection of pictures, this one is by far my most favorite of them all. Although he was supposed to be a Father's Day present, he is mommy's best'ist buddy!
He'd find unconditional love in the laps and comfort of others easily.
And while not there on the couch with him, he would stare and wait for you to join him. :)
or the damn bed... lol!
Jarvis quickly became the center of the family's world. So much so we couldn't give into the idea of getting another dog. Although he was a small handful, he was incredibly well behaved.
Only now in the absence of him are we left with regret that we never brought him home a little sibling of his own.
Who would have guessed that a Weimaraner and Bengal cat would become such good friends?!!
Nothing short photogenically-sweet!!
Wow!
There is something spiritually magnetic to those handmade blankets and that corner of the couch. They bring an intense level of comfort, calm, love, and especially acceptance.
I deeply miss my good buddy Bison.
As an adult, year to date, he was my first and only furbaby that loved and wanted just me.
One thing that his absence taught me was to embrace every moment with another furbaby. Whether it be a fun or disciplining moment, or even their last moment. The need to slow down and be present with them is priceless. Once we got Jarvis, I took the wisdom I learned from Bison and put it into the loving energy I had to give to another.
Shortly after we got home Tuesday night with nothing more than Jarvis's collar and leash I sat at the chair in the living room and emotionally tortured myself in recalling the day. Just three hours before leaving for the vet, I had unexpectedly taken Jarvis for the last walk we would ever take.
There in a deep level of solace, with tears running down my face, like they are now, I watched the conclusion of the last walk I would have with my friend. We had just gotten to regularly practicing "sitting" and "staying" while walking.
When we get home, I detach the leash and make him sit, then stay. Once I have made it into the garage I give it a second, they say "okay" and he breaks, and comes in. The ring camera above the trucks captured this moment, one that I will cherish forever.
Video Here:
We all miss you dearly sweet baby Jarvis.
Thank you for making me the dog person I am today.
Rest in peace little buddy.
A dear friend of mine shared this amazing framed picture, I can't not use it as the weekly picture in honor of our life changing buddy, Jarvis.
Love your furbabies!
Have a grateful weekend.
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