Gosh dang.... you'd think moments like this would get easier over time - but they don't...
Gosh dang...
you'd think I'd know the words to say again because I did once already write them - but I don't...
Gosh dang...
you'd think I'd be done writing by now as I've started this, then deleted it, then started it again, then - but I'm not.
Gosh dang...
Earlier this morning I was informed that the angels on earth took a sweet old man named Jon Monsen up to heaven to be with his late, sweet bride for more time than I've been alive.
RIP Jon <3
This happened to be a random neighbor man who I befriended years ago by shear happenstance... then ultimately earned the trust, support, and for what I believe, love. All to be called upon during the final days of life when they could be counted on just two hands.
That happened.
Leading up to today, I've been emotionally preparing for this time, this.. whatever this is, for well over a year now...
In traditional Josh fashion, I torment my heart.
I must have been but only a teenager when I came to the truest of realities... as soon as you've lived one year on this planet, you will have lived on the date you will be called to heaven.
Gosh dang...
Additionally... to the old soul of which I've long harbored inside.. In my unnecessarily early years, I came to the understanding that in order to live a rich, full, and long life, one must endure the difficult times of surviving beyond those who you've loved and are no longer here.
And well, here I am....
now a grown ass man... as if my own heart didn't already feel the need to torment me more... Father Time is quick to show up and further remind me what the finality of life has to offer.
Humbled
When moments in life like this happen, one can not be without retrospect. While watching sands of time in loved ones hourglass fade away, I'm happy I did not hold back in speaking from the heart - and instead, I let my buddy know how much he meant to me.
It's a shame that an artist, author, entertainer, public figure, become more well known in the years after their passing than in their living producing years. Hopefully they are paying attention from the heavens above to see the impact afterwards.
I am beyond grateful that my heart, mind, and soul kept me grounded so that I could cultivate the words of admiration for my good buddy Jon while he still had his faculties to read them. Not only read them, but emotionally and intelligibly receive the message.
he would be almost as old as my buddy Jon today. I wrote my GP a card talking about how much he meant to me and how much he changed my life. Thankfully at the time he was able to process the words of affection before his passing.
Long I waited to share my feelings for my friend Jon. Being honest, I did not want to share them too soon in fear of closing the gap with the reaper of life taking him sooner than needed.
But 32 days ago I gave living tribute to a dear friend of mine. And in this moment of vulnerable absence, I am grateful to the universe I listened to my soul and shared my affection to my buddy - https://www.gratefulman.com/post/in-living-memory-my-friend-jon
Although I do not have a picture of me and my friend together - I do have this correspondence between us after my "living tribute" to him.
it makes my heart smile :)
Jon being Jon, he followed through on the morning ritual of checking in. :)
Having met a someone as a handyman customer, to then develop a relationship of trust at a genuine lie and death deep of a level leaves me short of words. In later time Jon would ask me that after his passing, I be responsible for helping re-home his kitties (children), distribution of his personal property, AND selling his home home?!
Gosh dang...
never?!
There isn't a five star review that will ever match the honor of helping someone beyond the grave.
Being vulnerably, deeply transparent, when I went to see him yesterday in the hospital, I was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable so much that I questioned what it was I was supposed to say.... this is a person whom I'm not related to beyond being fortunate enough to live in the same neighborhood only...
As silly as it sounds it was just me and him - and my conscious. I felt almost like I was preparing for a karaoke moment! (I do NOT do karaoke) But instead, I leaned into my fear, discomfort, vulnerability, and touched his face with the backend of my hands. Like the way I tell my children goodnight...
I grazed his sleeping face and said:
I love you Jon. You were a good friend.
Fuck these posts suck... :(
I'm a quiet disaster right now.
He wasn't coherent enough to respond, but I left the moment knowing I told a friend, someone who had no children and pretty much no living family alive, I loved him. Being notified less than 18 hours later that he's gone to heaven eloquently closed a chapter in my life I will never forget.
You will be missed my friend.
Being knighted in the role I've found myself in, the important people in his life that I am fortunate enough to know sent me some pictures of themselves with him.
and this one, just two days before he went to heaven...
it just warms my heart and tears it out at the same time?!
It's beyond precious!
Gosh dang...
I've never repeated a weekly picture before - but after 329 posts, I can't NOT make an exception using post #152 again at #329.
Rest in peace our dear friend! You had a bigger impact on those around you than you know. Tell Paulette hello for us!
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